and a quick bitchslapping to ...

The Beautiful Beast

Forgive me a moment of utter self indulgence. But it's a journal. Utter self indulgence is the point, c'est non?

He is:
articulate
humorous
generous of spirit
calm
decisive
respectful
sensual
ethical
rational
whimsical
curious
loyal
affectionate
honest
talented
beloved.
In no particular order. I am proud and delighted to have his company.

That is all.

okay, so I'm a little bit hooked on this now O.o

Sometimes I find myself at a loose end these days. I dropped some of my commitments in order to have more time to spend with friends and to free myself up for intriguing one-off projects. Which are rarer than you might think.

When I posted the last entry, it was my attempt at showing off my latest purchases. Quaintly's comment got me thinking though. I do wear a lot of black, it's my favourite colour (and yes, Blogger, both those words have the letter "u" in them), but I also have a lot of colourful clothes that I could show. And I really rather like going to my favourite pretty places to take photos. So yeah ... here we go, I'm a fashion blogger /irony.

First, a word about the hair. I have new hair. My honey chose it, and I love it. I have always been fanatically loyal to Analog Dog's cinnamon range, though I have a few from Damselfly. I wear, as much as possible, the same colour, because it's part of my identity. Yes, I named myself after my hair. In case you didn't know.

The new hair - Natural, by *CRISS* - is blonder than I would have liked, it's actually a lot blonder than it looks in the photos. I like to think of it as having had a fabulous style cut and some highlights put in.

The dress is, of course, Musashi-Do's glorious Tender Blossoms. It's rather well-known in fashion circles, and rightly so. It's a beautiful texture with wonderfully rendered details. This dress draws comment every time I wear it.

The shoes are B&G's Melody in Rosa. I have almost all of Lolo Luo's shoes, I believe they are as good a product as Stiletto Moody, easier to use, and at a far more reasonable price. They are transferable, too, and in fact, my only complaint is that the range is small.

I'd like to put a shout out to Eryn Republic for the one item I am never without - my ERD A.V.8.R sunglasses. Scripted with show/hide, radar, flight assist, sim record, bling, opacity, glow and 40 colours, they are hud driven and my essential item. When Y first taught me to build microprims, he showed me the ERD range in order to articulate what tiny prims could be used for, and I have not been without them since. We all have cartoon dreams, but if I have a cartoon nightmare, it is that proposed script limits will part me from my A.V.8.rs.

The sim you see here is the extremely romantic Midsomer Gardens. This a gorgeous, if busy, sim, good for a date or a photoshoot, and the highlight is definitely the sky garden seen here. I met a most interesting avatar while I was there, he was on the prowl, of course, but provided some amusement while I posed my narcissistic ass off.

Obligatory Fashion Post

Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?

Actually, fashion blogging is a high-end pursuit in SL, and I am not intending to join those ranks. I'm aware, however, that reading my angst is a labour of love, so it can't hurt to break up the flow occasionally. And, you know, I buy so many clothes, sometimes I never see them again. If ever I wonder what that little ensemble I liked so much was, I can look back over my blog and recall it. All good reasons, I thought ...

The Basics:
I wear the same skin, eyes, tattoo and hair colour most of the time.

Skin: Kate - Forest by League

Eyes: Devious Emerald by Devious Minds
Hair: pictures 1 and 2 - Play by Analog Dog
picture 3 - Syanne by Analog Dog
Tattoo: Floral by Bi-Sensual
Piercing: Jade Lip Ring by :smc:

Outfit - Picture 1:
Leather Jacket by Grasp
Idle Rogue tank top by Sexy RedDevil for Idle Rogue
Leather Pants by Grasp
Biker Boots by Redgrave
Dagger by Avid

Outfit - Picture 2:
Frau Black Dress by Hyper Culture
Lilly Black Satin Lingerie by Insolence
Laddered Stockings by League
Pornstar Boots by Urban Bomb Unit
Rock Rolla necklace by Naith Smit Designs

Outfit - Picture 3:
Abby Dawn Black Sweater by Capris Designs
Camouflage Pants by Lilli Cattaneo *freebie
Sinaed Black Boots by League

Yes, there is an element of Tramp in this week's purchases, though let's call it rock'n'roll, shall we? Of course, I was a pierced and tattooed tramp before the Bass Player arrived in my life, now I just have a really good excuse to spend for it!

musings in the key of "real"

I'm only one. So I cannot be expected to have a good grasp on the intricacies of SLove, right? Right. Phew, thanks. Cus I really find it annoying that I lack the smooth criminal instincts of other avis I meet. If only because they make me feel naive, those jaded libertines.

All of my relationships in Second Life are based on a genuine respect for the person behind the avi. I am one of those people you are drawn to tell your inner secrets to, I don't know why, but perhaps it is because I am unendingly curious about how people come to make the decisions they make. Whatever the reason, if we are more than casual acquaintances, there is a good chance you've shared some personal honesty with me at some time, and I've liked you for it.

That doesn't, however, necessarily mean my people and I talk incessantly about our realities, and, in fact, I'd say, the opposite is true. We talk almost exclusively about our Second Lives, and the events that occur within them. We live, as ourselves, in our second lives. "How was your day?" means "How was your second life today?". "What have you been doing?" means "What have you been doing on the grid?".

My question, then, is this: Does this mean we are "playing the game"? It doesn't feel "fake" or even "superficial" - my deep sense of loss over The Boy Who Left showed me that ... as did the support and love of my friends during that time. If my friends suffer a disappointment, in either of their lives, I will be there, either on my real phone or holding the virtual tissues, while they resolve it. They will decide which kind of support they need, and they will have it.

My new love interest is the realest person I know in SL. By which I mean, he still reacts with noobish goodwill and humour to the way the rest of us interact. Yes, his eyes widen at the way we "live" in our lives ... but he "gets it". He is a natural, as I was, as most people reading this were, and because he is new, he is untainted by the casual laissez-faire demeanour of the "what happens in second life stays in second life" crowd.

But this means he is never quite sure of my intentions, or of my regard for him. I have no intention of moving into his real life, and I want to be sure he knows that. Yet this does not, in any way, affect the depth of feeling I have for him. It is moot that we are new, he is new, and if this were a "real" relationship, we would not be saying we were in love. Or ought not. I am not "in love" with him ... but there is no-one with whom I would rather spend an hour, a day, or a weekend. I would be unhappy if he thought that only extended to his cartoon entity.

Proximity

Am I the only avi who has been startled by the physical needs of my avi? No, I'm not talking about pr0n (that's a whole different post and one I am hardly qualified to attend to). I'm talking about how much I want my avi to be able to reach out and spontaneously touch another ... and in the absence of that ability, how she will stand as close as possible to a favoured avi, almost of her own volition. It makes me smile when she does that.

I used to play chess with Y, in the early days. I am very bad at chess, I am a for-the-now-kinda gal and lack the ability to strategise. So when we played, I would keep my cam centered over the board, watching the chat and the game and not one bit that cute boi I was crushing so badly on. Is it not fascinating that my adoration for the boy came from his words, which I watched for breathlessly ... but that watching his SL projection of himself was too distracting? At the end of the game, I would look up to find him standing right beside me, within breathing range, and the "rush" would invariably startle me.

Friends we knew who were falling for each other were doing the same thing, every time I saw them they were right up next to each other. I find it interesting that even in a cartoon environment, we all maintain an appropriate personal space. In a normal group setting, you will notice that avis often keep a similar distance apart, and when you see two avis up close and personal (unless one of them is a noob) you can be sure there's "something going on".

After Y and I let down our guards a little, and the World Cheeseball Tour was completed, there was, of course, dancing. I had avoided dancing for the same reason. To me, the proximity of those lovely Bits & Bobs dances offered up something I responded to... so dancing with anyone but Y seemed to be offering more than I intended. Number three and number seven were "our" dances, and I have still never danced them with anyone else.

Since those first heady days, of course, my work at Ellie's has loosened my reserve about dancing with avis other than my significant other. Not that dancing with patrons is a requirement of the job, but I am often so hyped when I come offstage that I need something for my avi to do, and couples dances do help with that. Again, it startles me how many physical yearnings chry has. Sometimes she just wants to turn cartwheels, or jump on the couch. Or reach out and stroke the cheek of someone she has come to care for ....

Introducing Remy*

And so, it seems, I am dating someone. There was a long long period of grieving, during which I sensed some hovering at my peripheries, which I ignored, of course, because I was never going there again. And .. maybe ... a little ... because I was waiting for The Boy Who Left to come back.

There was a lot of hanging around in my sky palace, only coming out to work and concentrating on building. But the ultimate purpose of Second Life is interaction, and I had friends tapping on my windows and knocking on my doors to get me to come out.

As established, I have always made my Second Life busy, to avoid the notion that I was waiting for someone who wasn't coming back. I saved landmarks, thinking that one day we would go explore them together. Whole sims have disappeared in that time, places I never got to see. During that time, a friend left a noob in my care. Perfect traveling companion, wide-eyed with wonder, and that was me, too, since I'd neglected to actually go anywhere for so long.

Remember that minute ... the one where you realise those words "[insert favoured avi's name here] is online" are the sight that gladdens your Second Life? Well, I had one of those, and it threw me for a while. What about The Boy Who Left? What about Never Going There Again? Am I that fickle? I have issues with the Toy Husband crowd, was I about to become one?

And if that weren't enough, the other contenders must have sensed something in the air, because I was suddenly sorted for suitors >.<. The next phase was an ugly one, involving missteps, lack of confidence in my own judgement, and a last small cry from the heart to The Boy Who Left ... which, it turns out, was me flailing my cartoon hand one last half-hearted time, because once I'd sent it I suddenly felt free to choose a new direction.

Some avis got hurt during the writing of this column, and the fallout continues. For that I am immensely sorry, though I'm told my apologies are superfluous. I do not, it seems, always come out smelling like a rose.

But I have gained a treasured companion, and a vast sense of joy, even wonder at the possibilities our little grid offers those who approach with a sense of adventure. I am happy, and I'm rather in favour of happy.

*Names have been withheld out of respect for avis who do not blog and do not necessarily know they're being blogged about.

Miss Busy

When you love outside your own timezone, there will be casualties.

I always felt we existed in a kind of twilight, since my early mornings were his evenings, and vice versa, though once the torrent of words began, whole days and nights could and did disappear. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't bear to tear myself away. After a while, though, one of us had to, and so he did.

I rented Idle Rogue within a month of rezzing. It was to be a space to build, so it didn't matter that it was a mountainside block. I covered it with trees and a pagoda, put in a chess table and sine wave's kung fu balls (better than sex - though frankly I have nothing on which to base that comparison).

As he withdrew from Second Life, he added me more and more to his real life, always with the understanding that he would be back. And from time to time, often, really, he did come back. And when he wasn't there, I waited for him. I don't wait easily, so I got busy.

First it was a Christmas Party. My first actual building ~lol~ a platform that looked like an iced pond, but it was fun. There was lots of fun there. After the christmas party was over, I came up with the idea of an all day music festival, and that grew out of hand to include a designer market. Idle Rogue Live was successful, so we thought we may as well address the shortcomings of the venue. A sleepless weekend later, Idle Rogue stood as it now stands. I have much love for that building. It will stand for some time yet.

By then, of course, I was learning the hard lesson that all aspiring live venues must learn: live acts are expensive, and operators get very little return on the fee they pay to have an act appear. Avis rarely tip the venue, and they disappear as soon as the act is over. It was always our aim to be self-supporting inworld ... but I lack the skills to be a successful content creator.

I had an idea to put together a "show", something different to, or more than, a live act. I wanted to run a blues night, and couple a performance from Arman Finesmith to, I hoped, a performance by a traveling burlesque troupe. And it was on my hunt for this traveling burlesque troupe that I walked into Ellie's Burlesque Club on Jupyter. I walked out with a job, and a burlesque diva was born.

rezzday musing (cross-posted from LiveJournal)

It is my rezzday tomorrow. I joined Second Life on October 4th, one year ago, thinking it might be a cool way to chat. I always loved chat, but had been offline for several years. When I came back, none of the old crew seemed to be chatting any more. And then I remembered I'd heard about a thing called Second Life.

I really had no idea, I must say. I look at the people I know now, my new crew, and they all had some idea of what it was, and what it involved. I didn't think about things like content creation, I'd never heard the term. I wasn't a gamer, I was a chatter. I rezzed, rushed through Orientation, and set about changing the way I looked. Within days I was scooping up freebies and had found the "rebel enclave" on my home sim. That was where I could get a chat, certainly not at the mainstream events, where a tired old clique were running tired old events and getting their lols out of taking potshots at noobs. I look at how I looked then and I gotta laugh, but hey, I was trying. I'll tell you something else, through all that's happened since, I stil lurve noobs, and I still spend hours with them getting them to where they want to be.

I still went to the mainstream events, even though they were unrewarding. And on my fourth day there, Y approached me and offered me a better lip piercing (and thank God, cus you should have seen the bullring I was wearing). I don't remember what he was wearing (though I assume, now, it was the preppy set from Redgrave), I just remember his way of chatting. Articulate, concise, overly-courteous. Here, at last, was someone who could wield words!

Y was a month older than me, but had been "at" the game solidly. And he was a natural creator, with a creator's curiosity. Everything he'd learned to that point he told or taught to me. Everything he learned beyond that point, we learned together. For the first few days, we worked on the lip piercing, he, in his infinite way, tweaking and refining it, me wearing and re-wearing it, learning how to move prims and edit my appearance. When finally the piercing was right, what had been casual conversation and instruction became a true dialogue. And I was smitten. Oh ... so smitten.

It is a year later, and Y is mine no more. But what a year it was. All I've learned, all I gained, all I lost. All entwined with him, and with my utter adoration of him. All on the marvellous eye-popping grid, in every way, so much more than I had prepared myself for.

To my chagrin, I have attempted this once before, over at LiveJournal. Here, for the purpose of elucidation is my first post from there:

"And here I am. Twice. Once in each of my lives. It's occurred to me that some of the things I get up to in my Second Life are not that interesting to people in my real life ... and vice versa. Not to mention I've some angsty Second Life stuff I really need to get out of my system, and the people on my contact list have run out of patience listening to it. In my real life, I have found journalling my thoughts and experiences to be cathartic. So I'm thinking the same approach might work for poor poor chry, who always has such a lot on her cartoon mind."

From which you may deduce my RL has a blog, too, somewhere on LiveJournal. Don't go, it's 600+ posts of dull dull dull, and gets updated less than Plurk. On the other hand, chry really wants to vent some things, so I'll try to be a good blogger. Of course, I'm a noob here, so don't be expecting all that fancy-schmancy slurling and linking. Yet.

I'm here because friends blog here, and it's easier if I try to keep up from one space. Important things to know: I love my second life, often at the risk of my first; I am big on words; and I have a chronically lazy little finger on my right hand. It annoys me much more than it will ever annoy you.

Next post will be my rezzday musing from the beginning of October, posting of which will allow me to kill off the livejournal account. I'm moving in, blogger, fix the damned elevator.