Tuesday, December 1, 2009

musings in the key of "real"

I'm only one. So I cannot be expected to have a good grasp on the intricacies of SLove, right? Right. Phew, thanks. Cus I really find it annoying that I lack the smooth criminal instincts of other avis I meet. If only because they make me feel naive, those jaded libertines.

All of my relationships in Second Life are based on a genuine respect for the person behind the avi. I am one of those people you are drawn to tell your inner secrets to, I don't know why, but perhaps it is because I am unendingly curious about how people come to make the decisions they make. Whatever the reason, if we are more than casual acquaintances, there is a good chance you've shared some personal honesty with me at some time, and I've liked you for it.

That doesn't, however, necessarily mean my people and I talk incessantly about our realities, and, in fact, I'd say, the opposite is true. We talk almost exclusively about our Second Lives, and the events that occur within them. We live, as ourselves, in our second lives. "How was your day?" means "How was your second life today?". "What have you been doing?" means "What have you been doing on the grid?".

My question, then, is this: Does this mean we are "playing the game"? It doesn't feel "fake" or even "superficial" - my deep sense of loss over The Boy Who Left showed me that ... as did the support and love of my friends during that time. If my friends suffer a disappointment, in either of their lives, I will be there, either on my real phone or holding the virtual tissues, while they resolve it. They will decide which kind of support they need, and they will have it.

My new love interest is the realest person I know in SL. By which I mean, he still reacts with noobish goodwill and humour to the way the rest of us interact. Yes, his eyes widen at the way we "live" in our lives ... but he "gets it". He is a natural, as I was, as most people reading this were, and because he is new, he is untainted by the casual laissez-faire demeanour of the "what happens in second life stays in second life" crowd.

But this means he is never quite sure of my intentions, or of my regard for him. I have no intention of moving into his real life, and I want to be sure he knows that. Yet this does not, in any way, affect the depth of feeling I have for him. It is moot that we are new, he is new, and if this were a "real" relationship, we would not be saying we were in love. Or ought not. I am not "in love" with him ... but there is no-one with whom I would rather spend an hour, a day, or a weekend. I would be unhappy if he thought that only extended to his cartoon entity.

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