"It's like she's smiling"

chrymore
Originally uploaded by lingual.markus

I am interested in the way time passes. Things happen fast in my Second Life, and I know from observation it is the same all over.

When you are nursing a broken heart, it feels like it will never end. I have seen this, and I have seen people stunned because they are nursing their own pain while they watch a former partner move on. Part of the hurt seems to be that the other recovered so quickly.

Of course, sometimes a thing is just wrong, and not "meant to be". To my mind, it's still preferable to bring it to a close without deception; it's hard to say to someone "look, it's not you, it's us", but congratulations if you are one of the ones who can. If you're one of the ones who can't be alone, and who have their next lined up before the first even knows they're packing, then shame on you. And yes, I'm advised it's human nature, but shame nonetheless.

That said, I gained a great deal from my dip in the shark pool. Not least of my rewards was a sharp insight into what it is that I am seeking. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun.

But, honey, I'm home. I know you read this, and are probably wincing right now. Thank you for being there when I got back, thank you for being every shade of cool.

And yep, I'm aware that my posts are oblique. I do that to preserve the privacy of others. If you know me, then you know all the gory details, anyway. Cus that's how I roll ;-P

grace

grace
Originally uploaded by Else Barnard et al.

I had envisioned using the rest of Else Barnard's photos to tell a little more of things from my perspective, using Else's work to provide eye candy.

But this is too beautiful. Thank you Else. All grace is yours xx

leading by example

leading by example
Originally uploaded by Else Barnard et al.

My friends are awesomely clever, did I mention it? I spent a little time with my favourite pyro, Else Barnard, and this is (I hope) the first of what she did to me.

Else has done other pictures of me, and one thing I love is her use of light. There's an almost otherworldliness to it, or maybe a "vintage" feel. Any time I spend with else feels a little vintage - which is odd, since anyone who knows her arsenal knows she's a thoroughly modern girl ;-D

After all the sighing of the past couple of months, I was looking to recapture a sense of my normal assertiveness. This is the chry who knows what you're up to, and is comfortable she can handle it. For the four of you who read this blog and know me well, I swear, she's making a comeback.

As always, the skin is by Nena Janus of League. The outfit is by Graves (sorry, but any other latex simply is not as good) and the tattoo is a custom work by Ellie Criss of Sharkey's Tattoos (omg <3 Ellie xxx)). The hair is Charlie, from Twisted and Spoiled, and as always, the eyes are from devious minds.

Regrets, I've had a few ...

I am a creature of impulse, it's unfortunate, but true.

Recently, I have made bad decisions, and they have been decisions which have hurt other people. I let expert flattery go to my head and cause me to be less mindful than I prefer to be. I fell into the shallow pool. See ... my Second Life has been very protected. I am treated with love and respect by both my friends and my fans. Yes, I've heard the stories, who hasn't? But I guess I thought I was so adorable the usual rules did not apply.

But Second Life moves fast, and my karma caught up with me quickly. In other crowds, love and respect are not the usual currency. And flattery is easy. You could say I found the shallow pool filled with sharks (god knows, I have, many times). And (cue violins) now I get to play out that same old story ("all men in SL are sluts or vagrants" etc etc).

I believe karma works like this: If you're a lousy human, as time goes on, you'll find yourself surrounded only by lousy humans, and everything you have done will be done to you, because that's what lousy humans do. I try not to be a lousy human.

I'm out of the pool, and I'll live. I regret being so impulsive and absolutely being so shallow. But there's been a lot of regret so far this year, n'est pas? I promise to do better. Especially by those of you who have always done well by me. And I promise to make happy posts, and maybe more of them. Ehhh ... I promise to try.

chry xx

capax infiniti

Yesterday, I found a myspace account that I didn't know existed. Of course there is a blog attached to the profile, and in it the writer mentions how wonderful life is. How much it has improved since he freed himself of certain poisonous influences.

Of course, it's the blog of someone I used to be very close to. Close enough to know that I (and my virtual world) was not the only poison in his life then. But I certainly was one of them. And yes, it hurts to know that's how I showed up in the debriefing. It hurts even more to not have been invited to the debriefing, but ehhh ... I was ever a symptom, and not the disease.

I wish him well. He shaped my Second Life. He taught me what I could absorb. He showed me what was possible and influences my aesthetic decisions to this day. From him I learned to work for my Second Life, and the satisfaction of self-supporting in game.

If nothing else, I have to thank him for anime, for Corey Taylor and for the beautiful build that is Idle Rogue.

Along with all the other poisons, I have been removed from his system. I guess I'm okay with that.

Consummatum est

Dear You

Dear You,

You came into my life when I was very broken. And you were a joy. You didn't understand why I was broken, but you understood that I was, and you set about making me smile. I always thought of you as a gift from a dear friend, who may not know what he had given me. As I healed, I came to look forward to seeing you.

We had the best fun.

I want you to know that every minute we spent together was brilliant. Every thought that you expressed found a home here. Everything I ever said to you, and everything I ever said about you, was real, was true, and remains true to this minute.

you move like I want to
to see like your eyes do
we are downstairs where
no one can see
new life break away
tonight I feel like more
tonight I
you make the water warm
you taste foreign
and I know you can see
the cord break away
cause tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel
feel like more(tonight)
you breathed
then you stopped
I breathed then dried you off
and tonight
I feel like more
tonight

The Big Show

Inspiring, exhausting, intimidating, creative, time-consuming, rewarding.Way more good than bad.

Idle Rogue is producing a show. It is my current obsession, so much so that disappointments in other areas of my life are rendered disinteresting. If you're finding yourself a little ignored, sorry, but I'm busy.

It all started when I discovered the singer for my favourite band was launching solo performances. I immediately booked him and he performed following a performance of The Beautiful Freaks Burlesque Circus. The dancers loved him, I've always loved him, and he loved us right back. It seemed a natural progression that we should work together, but the project took months to warm up, because of commitments on both sides.

Bowie Bravin is a prolific and talented musician. He collaborates electronically with musicians across the globe. He is a buoyant and dynamic personality and a pleasure to work with. His voice is an absolute gift, and lucky me, I spend a portion of each day listening to it.

Bowie and Deep Sky Traveler both give an amazing show experience, with lighting, special effects and warm personalities. Beautiful Freaks likes to hand out an experience, too. So the challenge, for us, has been to make a show that looks astonishing and provides a foil for Bowie's talent, but equally, ours.

Enter Slappy Doobie. Friends will know that Slappy is my not only my best friend, but my collaborator, mentor and yes, idol. I have yet to see her fail at achieving something she set out to do. She is a legendary builder and a gifted graphic artist. She brings a wealth of rl experience to every project, and her imagination is completely unconstrained. To Slappy was given the unenviable task of building s stage that would, as a minimum, equal the work Kentarr Vendetta does for Deep Sky Traveler, and, preferable add in features specific to the show we want to present. Did she succeed?

Does she ever fail?