2013 Retrospective

Merry Christmas everyone, my very best wishes to you, that you will find time for play and for love and especially for creativity (however you enjoy it) in these busy days. Spend time with people you adore, and please adore yourself, for without you, you have nothing. It's hard to do, believe me, no-one knows like I do, but if you think about what being loved should feel like, and do it for yourself, you cannot really lose, right?

2013 opened with the flurry of the Dance Queens awards. I wanted us to win. I wanted me to win. I wanted that recognition, from our peers and for the entire grid. I wanted to say "winner of the 2013 Dance Queens Award for ..." in our promo. I wanted my dancers to see what they have become.

It seems a little hollow, now, and not just because it got white-anted by bitterness. Guerilla Burlesque is a phenomenon, it fills the house at every show. It pleases audiences who see it, and it draws the best talent on the grid to be part of it. It inspires great loyalty in it's fans. There really aren't any awards that match that feeling of watching a dancer take a concept through to completion, or watching a team combine together like fine machinery. I am ever-lastingly proud of Guerilla Burlesque. I know I am not universally admired, and this troupe lost many dancers it would have been nice to keep; nevertheless, those who have stayed all display characteristics I find to be the best of human nature. They are diligent, warm-hearted, sensitive, open, smart, giving and immensely creative. It is an honour, truly, to breathe the air they breathe.

I wonder how many of you, who thought you would struggle to find a place as the team shifted and changed, think back through the year and see just how close we've all become. Guerilla Burlesque is a force of nature, baby, and I thank you if you are someone who's hung on for the full ride.

Losing the luxurious privilege of owning a whole sim was very hard, and I miss the unlimited potential. But Idle Rogue will always survive, in some form, and I am still, always, so grateful to Cait for giving me the playground of my dreams.

My inter-personal skills remain a bit of a worry, but I am working on it, and I know I have made some major progress this year. That said, there are times when the malice I draw baffles me. One person, and one person only, gets the unedited version of chry, and I will admit he finds it very hard going. The rest, including those malcontents who think I have or had something they deserve, are making shit up. It's more annoying than anything. I did a great job in difficult circumstances, and it won't be done as well now that I am not doing it any more. Other than that I am at ease. I try to give my best, in everything I do. But I am not everyone's cuppa tea, as we say in the antipodes.

It's no secret I spent way too much time in Guild Wars 2 this year. I love it, though Burn2 broke it's grip on me a little; it's also true to say that I once felt I was becoming part of the community there, and I no longer feel this way, which made playing the game more optional than it had been. I really only like World vs World, and my partner likes many other aspects of the game. That means, in a practical sense, that I just don't go there as much.

Let's not forget, after four very long and humbling years, I finally got a real job, and there's no doubt in my mind that just that fact has made a huge difference to my attitude to everything around me right now.

As the year draws to a close, I am busy, in both lives, and I don't have the time to dwell on things that are re-shaping right now. I am very very excited about Le Cirque de Nuit, a project that will take the next several weeks to pull together, but which I hope to turn into one of the most successful, cutting edge collaborations of 2014. I am also delighted and honoured by the calibre of the people who have lately expressed interested in projects we are working on. I am stimulated by the possibilities ahead of us all.

Chill the champers, babies, let's ring it in, I'm keen to get going on it :-)

Tainted victory

I was so engaged by the Dance Queens Awards. I can admit to being competitive, I was raised by people who thought that was important. As I monitored the nominations, my excitement grew. All the big names were there. People I have worked with, people I have learned from, people whose work I have long admired. Legends. And us amongst them.

I'll not be disingenuous - I believe we are the best dance show working the grid right now [edit: at least, I did think that, til I saw what IMAGE are doing]. I took all of the things I observed in other dance shows, added it to what I know about live music audiences, mixed it up with some monkey spit and an overweening need to control everything with my name on it, and set up a show I would want to go to see. I work damned hard, seven days a week, and we produce a fresh and original show every single week, for almost two years. I don't know who else is doing that, because I don't go to other shows, because if I did, my dancers would never make it through rehearsal. But I do know I wanted the dancers I work with on the nominations list. I think they're worthy.

So as our names were added to those illustrious others who are famous across the grid, I felt we were taking our place amongst them. I felt it was right. We draw upwards of 60 avatars every week to our show, despite the fact it is on at midnight. Again, I don't know which other shows can say that - but it's a pretty impressive feat. I've always taken it to mean we are doing what we do right.

I even got my nails done!

Coming into the voting week, I was told we couldn't win anything. We were outsiders, unknown, and it seemed as though at least one committee member was actively campaigning against us, with mixed up schedules and disappearing nominations. We were determined to show up anyway, or at least, I was, because I really loved this concept. Our own awards! Peer recognition! An awards ceremony! Seriously, I thought all of those things were a really cool addition to the way I live my Second Life.

And then I was asked to present, which was just icing. Oh, hello Mohna Lisa Couture, I will be needing a new gown! Even though the awards ceremony started at midnight in my reality, I was determined to be there.

And then guess what happened?

We won. We won a lot. We won so many I couldn't find any more original ways to say thank you, and you three who read this know I am not short on words.

It was glorious, amazing. Our group chat was full of joy and wonder, especially as dancers in different timezones logged on and learned what was happening. It was just so unlikely, we cleaned up, and to this minute, I do not know how. I mean ... we gave the voters all the access we could. We supplied what videos we could, we provided links to photos, and of course there were shows they could attend. But these things are so often a case of people rounding up their friends to vote for them. And we didn't think we had any to round up, so we didn't.

I went to bed at 5.30am and woke at 11am. For a few minutes I just lay there thinking "wow ... wow .... wow". It's a long time since that has happened to me. I may have been a child the last time I was that happy.

And today, as my muse crept up on me and started whispering in my ear, I thought, "you know what? Bugger the secrecy and competition, I think I want to blog my creative process" . I was so inspired by the camaraderie, the open-hearted generosity of spirit that it took to make these awards happen. I thought I could extend that feeling, explain what makes me "tick", what makes me dance, engage with commentators, if they exist. Enjoy the dancing aspect of my dancing. And share it.

And I will still do that ... I guess ...

As I opened my blog to write the first post, to share the song I am going to work on, and tell you what ideas I have for it, I noticed there was a new post on the Dance Queens blog.

Nottoo Wise, who came up with the Cuties concept is stepping away from the process. I don't know her very well, we don't chat, but as an avid follower of the blog, it is all too apparent that she's been under immense pressure from people who think something completely opposed to my experience of the awards. And in case you're thinking "well that's easy for you to say, you won," let me confess, that I, too, made my complaints about the process known to her. I had my say :-(

I cannot tell you how awful it all feels now.