The Last Idle Rogue

200 Days

2011-11-28T22:28:00.001-08:00

He came into my Second Life 210 days ago and insisted that I notice him. Within a week he had changed everything.

And I understand ... you don't need to read this. Other people's mushy stuff doesn't interest me, and like you, I'd prefer they kept it to themselves.

I just want to take a moment and thank him. For the way he understands what I am doing, even before I do. For the way he never lets me get carried away with a fallacy. For not letting me withdraw, despite the many times I tried. For noticing what I look like, and for caring what he looks like. For understanding my friends and reminding me why I love them. For always, always supporting me, in my plans, in my actions, in my frustrations. For giving me ideas, for taking my ideas and giving them wings. For dancing with me, in the snow, and for loving "Whisper Of A Thrill" so much he makes me love it too. For always being strong, and male, and proud, without ever being obnoxious, or controlling, or deceptive.

For making the effort to make every one of 200 days sparkle, without ever making it look like an effort.

Je vous adore à la lune et retour

Tristesse

2011-10-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Sadness came to visit me this week.

It's true I am somewhat sentimental. I don't get much time to form attachments, but when I do, I consider them formed for life. Even when the nature of the attachment changes, I like to think I remain the same, or that my level of care and attachment remains true. I hold talismans, and small equations in my mind, and these things are my keepsakes.

Talisman: For three years I have worn a lip piercing that was crafted for me by my first SL companion. I never take it off, unless another item uses the same attachment point, and then, reluctantly.

I have told the story of this companion in these pages before. How I didn't expect such a connection, and then didn't believe in it; how he disappeared suddenly and how I grieved when he left. Eventually he reappeared, and continued to do so, sporadically. Equation: He was the First Idle Rogue, the Rogue for whom the group was named, and throughout the three years of Idle Rogue's existence, he remained a member of the group.

I have looked at that relationship in many lights; not all of them rosy. I have wondered what his purpose with me was, and what made him disappear. Over time it has become a wistful thing, but nothing greatly hurtful. I was happy to think we were still friends, after a fashion, and that he had as much left Second Life as left me. I came to think that, since I could never have left either, it was just one of those unevenly-balanced attractions.

On the weekend he revealed a new avatar to me, and told me a story I frankly don't believe about what was happening to with his former account.It matters not. He is no longer an Idle Rogue. He has returned to Second Life, and he does not intend that we will be friends, this round.

And I am fine with it. Just a little sad. The equation has changed, the talisman is pointless. And though I had "moved on" (more than once, in fact :-D), it saddended me to know that this foundation had shifted.

But the week was not done with me yet. My former partner also issued a note to explain he no longer felt engaged by Second Life. Life has become busy for him, and logging on was less and less a priority. He didn't see himself as leaving forever ... but certainly around less.

At this point, it would be disingenous of me not to mention that I am fairly intensely involved with someone new. That, also, has been mentioned in recent posts. I am content. My new companion is eminently suitable for what I do in and want from Second Life. I am no churl. I do not want my past back.

In our luxurious twenty-first century lives, we have the "advantage"of being able to contemplate change. Our Second Lives are almost certainly "inessential". Changes within them can be studied and experienced without the pressing urgency of "survival", which is what change used to mean to humans, and not so long ago. Of course, that's actually a double-edged sword. When you're adapting and surviving, you don't have time for grieving and resisting.

I feel such a great melancholy that these changes have swept through. Small tears have appeared in the fabric that is my SL story. It feels less strong. It feels like there is less love supporting me. This is not true, or is more complicatedly untrue than that sounds. But I am sad nonetheless.

Charitable thoughts ...

2011-09-25T17:48:00.000-07:00

It's a rainy school holiday monday for me, and I am procrastinating about my housework by going over my options. It occurs to me that my SLife is quite a charmed existence. People come to me with terrific ideas, and I get to toss them around and try to make something of them. It's not constant, but it's steady (and thank god, because I have a little trouble with saying 'no'"). As one project draws to a close, there is usually another forming up.

We just finished a fundraiser. I'm not big on fundraisers, they make me a little resentful. Part of travelling light is turning one's head away from things that cause distress. If I start to consider lending my support to one cause, I have to think about all of them, and then it seems there is not one cause that deserves support more than another. I believe I am like most people this way. I can't support them all, so I stick to donating to the ones that capture my fancy on an ad hoc basis.

As I write this, I am aware of how shallow it sounds ... but I still believe most people feel the same way. There's a reason musicians are constantly getting hit to perform for a fundraiser. It's no joke, the musicians I have worked with are hit on daily to give time to this or that cause, and often very aggressively. I understand why - fundraisers need to find that element that makes their event the one that captures the public's fancy. And I totally understand why the performers feel beseiged - which do you say "no" to, how do you gauge worth when it comes to misfortune?

When it came to me being asked to lend my support to a cause, I said yes, of course - I always say yes. So then my task becomes "how do I make my event the one that captures the public's fancy?" I am pleased to say, the choices we went with were successful. We did not raise a lot of money, but I wasn't really expecting we would. We did put on a great event that brought first and second life together in a way that was mutually satisfying, and by doing that, we raised awareness. I have many thoughts on what we could have done differently, but also on what worked really well.

surveying options

Ultimately, I feel honoured to have been asked to be part of it, and proud of what we were able to do. I imagine that is the feeling serial fundraisers get, and, at least for some, the thing that keeps them motivated to do it over and over again. Me? I'm still not big on fundraisers ... and I'll still be supporting the ones that somehow capture my fancy.

Accolades

2011-09-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

The following transcript is a speech made by Jewellah Magic at the opening of the new Guerilla Burlesque theatre on September 9th, 2011. It was a little surprise :-D

I have been nominated by the Guerillas to present an award tonight.

Chryblnd Scribe, please join me on stage.

We, your peers are presenting you with this Oustanding Contribution award for your continued contribution to the Burlesque artform in Second Life.

Chryblnd Scribe's contribution to Burlesque venues, troupe creation, special events, promotion and training has left it's mark on SecondLife. Dancers want to be working with Chry, because she raises everyone to another level. She makes any team greater than the sum of their parts. Chry shows us every day, how anything is possible.

Chry is very much a master of her artform. Brought to life each and every week, she immerses us in her curious mind, the one that's perfected the allure of not only her million Linden avi, but that of the stage. She brings out the inner desire in us all to want to be on it, to draw out the heartfelt emotions of an audience, and to tell our story, OUR way. The acts we create are a part of what we've done, seen, felt and sometimes mourned and yeah, yearned for. Acts that are very close to our own emotional journey through this life and the one out there.

Chry is supportive loving and caring to all of those around her. Chry is the first person you want to hear your idea, and the first person you want to show it off to once you've sculpted, textured, xstreeted, toiled, perfected and listened to the same song 1000 times over. Even if you never display it for all the grid to see, it doesn't matter, because it's her opinion that matters, and when you've created an act worthy of her affection, you know. It's why we're here. It's why we do it. It's also, why you watch.

Chry, with your mind, your talents, your creativity, and your drive to please others, you push the ones you love to new heights. The life you breathe into others is the reason Guerilla Burlesque remains innovative and the best growing show in Second Life.

The Guerillas thank you for your contribution in bringing together a group of talented and dedicated dancers and providing the perfect venue for us to perform in. Some of us would never have become dancers without you, and it has become our passion.

Chryblnd Scribe, your prodigious, ambitious achievements across creative media, breaking technology, and tight friendships make for the most alluring dance of all.

x Chry, you are loved.

Fuzonacid filmed and created the video on the same night. It is the kind of spare and elegant thing that makes me so proud of what we do, and so honoured to be part of the Second Life community. There is much I ought to say, about the troupe, the new theatre, and the sweetness of life in general, but for this post, I simply want to enjoy the admiration of the people I like most in the world.

one step removed

2011-07-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

"Publicly displaying the level of disconnection between avatar and player that is common in MMOs would be anathema in pretty much every SL roleplaying environment. (Imagine calling your avatar a "toon"!)"

- Ordinal Malaprop, commenting on Why Call Second Life "Second Life" When Few People Use Second Life Long Enough to Really Have a "Second Life"? in New World Notes.

This notion, that Gamers, in their usual stance, are emotionally dissociated from their avatars, intrigues me. I have come across it, in varying degrees, several times. And it's fair to say that some of the people I am, or have been closest to, are hard gamers. In this discussion, I am thinking of "gamers" as MMO Players from other realms - WoW, for example - who have come to Second Life and established themselves. (I have also met many who came but didn't stick).

I have had at least two startling, intense discussions with friends who think of themselves as gamers and also dissociative - not a parallel they drew themselves, but one I noticed. It's interesting to me that I formed close relationships with both people. I'd like to assure both that they simply cannot be as disconnected as they inwardly fear, or that could not have happened.

I know myself as extremely empathetic: I have always and easily been able to perceive and feel compassion for the people I meet and the circumstances or mindset they act/react from. On occasion, I have felt crippled by this sense of understanding their point of view - in situations where I have needed to be hard-nosed and decisive, I have struggled to shut out the emotions of others, and, importantly, an innate understanding of how they acquired their stance.

I have also mentioned before, I am highly empathetic towards my avatar. What she sees, I experience. What I want, she attempts to provide. When she stands close to you, it's because she likes you :-)

I believe it is very possible to have a Second Life within Second Life and that this is, moreover, the desired outcome. I believe the confusion arises when people attempt to derive a first life from their second life. In my experience, those people are in SL on a mission, , and SL is simply a tool to achieve their goal. Those people are not - and I stress, this is in my experience only - as engaged with the medium. They are less likely to have more than intermediate skills, and more likely to express frustration and boredom. I also personally think they cause more harm, but sometimes it's just that they haven't the self-awareness to know what they came for.

Hanging out with my peeps on Idle Rogue

In my experience, the more successful users are those who either use SL as an adjunct to their first life - a creative and emotional outlet - and those who are able to engage with a small (not psychopathic) amount of dissociation.

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands

2011-07-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

Just a few months ago I wanted to write about "what I'm looking for", and gave up in the end, because it seemed like it would be dull reading.

My partnership had ended, and was followed by an unfortunate choice, a "fling" that left me feeling very hollow indeed. I am so busy that I don't really have time to establish close friendships (some will say I barely have time to maintain the ones I have). And I am not offering a real life (my personal reality precludes it) - so many people want that, even when they've denied it. I felt like I was standing alone in every crowded room. SL is a great adventure, but it's a collaborative experience, an interactive medium. It's more fun with someone who "gets" you.

Had I written the list, it would have included things like:

Shared interests - Idle Rogue and its' community, entertainment, event management, art, content creation, music, dance, photography
Personal characteristics - patience (for my lack of time, and for my mood swings), flexibility, good self esteem, honesty, fidelity, sense of humour, capacity for intellectual conversation, tolerance, a strong work ethic
SL specific attributes - time to be there, committment to being there, an appreciation for the medium and it's possibilities, an ability to separate from RL but be a real person

So uhhh .... it seems like he showed up. He is so true to my theoretical list I, at first, suspected him of being manufactured. It's a good thing he likes classic rock, because, seriously, he needed a flaw

He's also new, and I am quite conscious that who he is, in his Second Life, is unformed yet. And I have a natural instinct to bolt at any minute anyway. It weirds me out that he seems to have arrived in SL with all the skills he could possibly need to cope with me.

I am ridiculously content. And I feel I ought to say so.

Facebook killed my mojo

2011-07-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, chryblnd Scribe had a Facebook profile, different and separate to her human counterpart's profile. I opened it because my Second Life is so absorbing, and so time-consuming, that people I knew from real life were finding their news feeds over-run with news fom a game they had no interest in. I had a view to a future in which my children might have a facebook presence. And I wanted a way to network and interact with other avatars on a less formal basis.

They were heady times :-) Second Life avatars have a strong presence on Facebook, and within weeks I had a contact list of almost 2000 avatars and people who are interested in Second Life. I stopped looking for profiiles to add, and let those who were interested add me. I was easily able to access the interesting things that were happening in and around SL, such as events, news stories, new content creation. I learned much more about the metaverse we all operate in, and I met and got to know amazing people.

The advantage Facebook has is that you can post so many different types of content. The music you like, the people you admire, random thoughts, what games you play, photographs, links. And your friends can access that information at their own pace. You learn more about each other in a lovely slow game of tag.

But Facebook doesn't want avatar profiles. It is, in fact, in direct contravention of their ToS. We all knew this, and we all knew it could happen to us. In May, it happened to me. Chryblnd Scribe's facebook profile disappeared, and with it went thousands of memories, little interactions and moments in time.

When your profile is suspended, there is, apparently, an appeal process whereby you submit identification that matches your profile's name, and can have it restored. As I contemplated the options, and the vast loss I felt at comments and content that had once warmed my heart, and would never be seen again, I decided that I did not want to lose another account. Many people simply set up with a new email address, but I decided I wanted the option of appeal, should Facebook swoop in and remove my profile again.

So I returned to my RL Facebook profile. I removed all the photos of my children and myself that had been there for family and old friends to enjoy. I warned the current friends list that things were about to change, and get busier. I added, or tried to add, those profiles I had enjoyed as chryblnd Scribe.

I also set up a page for Chryblnd Scribe as a fictional character, though the only fictional aspect of chryblnd Scribe is her avatar's appearance.

It's been spectacularly disappointing, and a lesson in humility. For whatever reason, friend requests I sent were ignored or turned down. I have stopped sending them, unless I know the person inworld and well enough to let them know the request is coming. And the fictional character is limited in her interactions. She can't tag people in photos or respond to them unless they "like" her, and it turns out not many people do *facepalm*.

I believe chryblnd Scribe was an interesting and innovative Facebook user. I see many avatars now using Facebook to promote and inform of events as I did, and was the first to do. But perhaps she was just an annoyance. In any case, my Facebook flow has been stemmed. Those who are close to me are there, and I love that they are, because of course, they were who I interacted with most. But I exist in a vacuum now, and I loathe it.

but I don't think I can!

2011-04-18T17:48:00.000-07:00

Write every day, they say. Write something.

I suck at self-discipline. I am a Flash In The Pan kinda gal. I find a thing, love it to death and move blithely on. Sounds like fun, but in reality, it means I don't get much done. It is why I use the word dilettante in all my profiles.

Working on a dance act last year, my good friend and technical advisor, Diawa Bellic, noted that one of the people we'd approached to participate had "an awesome ability to want to fail". I don't want to be that person. But every time I am confronted with an ability I have, I start to limit myself. I give myself any number of passes ... as many as it takes to let myself off the hook from actually doing something.

Even now, with this tiny little attempt to start, I am thinking of can'ts. Maybe that's what tomorrow's post will be - a great big list of why I can't. Because, you know, things can roam around in your head seeming perfectly logical, but you put 'em out there, outside your head, and you suddenly realise they don't make much sense at all.

Pretty Knickers

2011-04-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

So I'm back in the burly game, and we all know what that means - more pretty knickers! Luckily, my friend Kay Ganache makes pretty knickers, really pretty knickers. I have known Kay for many many years, and she is one of those "maker" people, even in RL. Always sewing, baking, some domestic goddessy thing - and still has time for a second life and a little WoW. Curse her.

Nice knickers though :-)

Style notes:
Hair - Truth "Zoe" - Latte
Skin - League "Amber" - Greenglade
Eyes - !dM deviousEyes "AngelDust" **SUMMER**
Lingerie - !~Kay Ganache ~ Dita
Boots - [Gos] GTFO Boots in Black

Travelling Light 2.0

2011-02-01T14:46:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I had this great big sleep-inducing post about "what I'm looking for", but really, it's this simple:

I have love and affection. I have amazing conversation, intellectual stimulation,humour and sympathy if I should feel in need of it. I have someone to dance with. I just wanna get laid, properly, without feeling like I'm part of a passing parade. Is that too much to ask?

twelvetoeleven

2010-12-08T19:04:00.001-08:00

twelvetoeleven
Originally uploaded by idlerogue

You are the music, while the music lasts ...

2010-11-06T20:47:00.000-07:00

One of the great joys of my Second Life has been the discovery of "virtual" band, Deep Sky Traveler, and it is no secret that I am devoted to their cause. I try never to miss an event, I buy their albums, and where possible, I try to promote their efforts.

My association with them began when I heard FacelessAPe Mefusula perform his live show. For a time I had him booked to play regular shows at Idle Rogue, and I became aware that he was part of a band performing concerst in Second Life.The emphasis is applied becaue it was always my desire to showcase the "band" experience at Idle Rogue. I am still guilty of it lol. I will sign bands to perform without hearing them, so much do I desire to be a "live band" venue.

For many months, Deep Sky Traveler played a regular monthly gig at Idle Rogue. And, of course, as soon as I heard Bowie Bravin was doing solo shows, I booked him, because to me, Bowie Bravin is simply the finest vocalist working today. I am now managing his bookings inworld, and consider him to be a great friend, so that point is probably moot.

I feel the need to address the "track singer/not live" issue, because the bias is so entrenched in the live scene in Second Life. It is not, at least at this point, possible for complex music to be played live into SL. Music of the calibre of Deep Sky Traveler's would be difficult enough to stage live in a real venue, let alone to stream from three different locations into SL. The cost would be prohibitive, and the fact that the economy in Second Life is akin to that of a third-world country means the effort would not be worth the return. When you are ready to pay $100-200 in real money for tickets to a gig, you will see changes.

Until then, our musical choices are limited by time, distance and resources. At the moment you can listen to a range that goes from your grandad banging away on his guitar to a few of his friends, to the multi-layered tracks and loops used by some very fine musicians to augment their more or less live input to music they create.

Music is fundamental to my personal needs. I must have it. I go to hear djs, including those who mix "live" and those who simply have great playlists. I go to hear live musicians, whose quality varies wildly, and whose material may be original or covers. To me, Second Life blesses us with the many musical options we have, and I am delighted that I can hear fresh, well-made original music, no matter how it is presented.

I tell you all this because I plan to write an entry about their two recently-realeased albums, Into The Blackwater and The Sacred Science Of Souls, and wish to establish my obvious bias from the outset. I read enough sycophantic gushing from the fashion feeds to know it's perfectly acceptable to review a product when you are clearly going to be biased in its' favour, but let me clear: I ❤ Deep Sky Traveler. I would like to tell you about their recordings, and I feel privileged that we are able to communicate with the musicians who choose to engage with us using Second Life.

Teardrop featuring the Guerrilla Burlesque Dancers

2010-10-07T03:27:00.000-07:00

My girls rock. Practicing for a Guerilla strike on Bowie Bravin's show (for my rezzday), we were captured by the eagle eye of Ormand Lionheart. This is his machinima.

2010-09-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

Is it enough to have some love?
small enough to slip inside a book
small enough to cover with your hand
because everyone around you wants to look

it is enough to have some love?
small enough to slip inside the cracks
the pieces don’t fit together so good
with all the breaking and all the gluing back

and I am still not getting what I want
I want to touch the back of your right arm
I wish you could remind me who I was
because every day I’m a little further off

but you are, my love, the astronaut
flying in the face of science
I will gladly stay an afterthought
just bring back some nice reminders

and is it getting harder to pretend
that life goes on without you in the wake
and can you see the means without the end
in the random frantic action that we take

and is it getting easy not to care
despite the many rings around your name
it isn’t funny and it isn’t fair
you’ve traveled all this way and it’s the same

but you are, my love, the astronaut
flying in the face of science
I will gladly stay an afterthought
just bring back some nice reminders
and I would tell them anything to see you split the evening
but as you see I do not have an awful lot to tell
everybody’s sick for something that they can find fascinating
everyone but you and even you aren’t feeling well

but you are, my love, the astronaut
flying in the face of science
I will gladly stay an afterthought
just bring back some nice reminders

yes you are, my love, the astronaut
crashing in the name of science
just my luck they sent your upper half
it’s a very nice reminder
it’s a very nice reminder

and you may be acquainted with the night
but I have seen the darkness in the day
and you must know it is a terrifying sight
because you and I are living the same way

ugh

2010-09-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

I feel so alone at the moment. None of the people I can usually reach out to are available. The things I normally fill my time with are on hold or gone. And things are changing ...

chain of events

2010-09-07T03:36:00.000-07:00

tip, noun, verb
a small present of money given directly to someone for performing a service or menial task; gratuity: He gave the waiter a dollar as a tip.

Things you may not know about me: In my country, "tipping" is not a cultural norm. Here, we are paid wages for work, and rarely, a gratuity for a job well done. I have many years of RL work history in the hospitality industry and can count the instances of tipping on one hand.

No matter where you are from, however, it only takes a few days in SL to realise that "tipping" forms the basis of the economy. At almost every venue and many shops, you will be invited to tip the venue, the performer, and sometimes the staff working for the venue. In every venue I have been to, this "tipping" is, in fact, the only payment for any entertainment enjoyed by people using the venue. There are no cover or door charges, and very few membership or subscription fees.

Since I started working inSecond Life, I have worked for tips. To me, from my cultural perspective, this means, in order to be tipped for my work, I must do a "better than usual" job; as an entertainer and as the owner of an entertainment venue, I have struggled at times to ensure that my work was the best it could possibly be. I did what I could to make sure my work as a performer was diligent and committed. I made sure my venue was competently run and outfitted.

As a performer, I was aware I was not to everyone's taste. Knowing I was "light" on the standard themes and practices (grrr@emoting). I always assumed I would appeal to a "niche" market, and was comfortable with that.

But lately my niche has dropped away. Lately I have made consistently less in tips than the other performers. And it has occurred to me, as I watched my ability to provide for my virtual life dwindle, that perhaps times or tastes have changed. Often, at shows, the audience would be filled with friends of one or another dancer. My friends either couldn't attend, or were broke. And I was not reaching the audiences who were in attendance.

On Saturday night I made a clear 500L less than the other dancers. All of them. I am well aware of how and why it occurred, and there IS reason, but let's pretend that I am wrong, and I am just 500L less quality than other dancers. That's a significant difference. Particularly at a Factory show. The Factory is supposed to be the flagship venue of Virtual Burlesque. In my opinion, if a dancer is 500L worse than the rest of the team, she is below the required standard.

So I retired.

And as I considered retiring from burlesque, I remembered that I took up burlesque to pay some of Idle Rogue's expenses. And that my work has not, for some time, come close to meeting the weekly outgoings of running Idle Rogue. And that was when I realised that Idle Rogue had to stop too.

more to come ...

t3h boots

2010-08-12T06:18:00.000-07:00

I am a boot girl. In both lives. The photo to the left is of my RL favourite boots. The happiest day of the year, for me, is the day it's finally cold enough to pull out t3h boots.

Boots are sexy in the feisty way (my favourite kind). They say "don't fuck with me". They are feminine, but they are never sissy. Even high-heeled boots make you feel like you could climb mountains or kick heads.

In Second Life, of course, boots are the easy option. No matching skin tones, no scary Linden feet, no cankles. And they still send that feisty, head-kickin' message ;-D

My first boot love in SL was for League's Sinaed boots. I wore them everywhere for months, until J bought me a pair of Stiletto Moody pumps. I finally took the League's off, though, when Bax Cohen (note the new slurl, if you didn't know) released the Prestige boot. They are divine, it is true. They are also on every well-shod boot-lovin' avi on the grid, as has been pointed out several times (thank you Marnix).

Slappy Doobie released her Blitz boots this week. You can buy them on xstreet by clicking here, and you should, because these are some mega-feisty sexy boots. They took me to At World's End and made me take off my clothes and play cello. It's true!

Seriously ... please visit At World's End. Take a treasured companion. It's a great place to try out your new boots :-)

Mislead

2010-07-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

Knickers are my business. I am 90% certain, by the time I actually get down to my lingerie, no-one much cares what it is (and perhaps cannot even see it), but I care, and so my search for pretty knickers is unending.

So when I heard Akosha Eales had gone into lingerie, I hopped that tp before they were even hung on the walls at Phoenix Rising. I'm certain it would have annoyed the hell out of the team there, but I waited until it was all up, even knowing there was obviously a problem. I was late for work, too, because of it, but I loved them so much I had to wait for the red, which I wanted to buy for a friend (on a side note \o/ for designers who make transferable items, the shoppers love you. Cus when you've run out of excuses to buy for yourself, you can buy gifts!)

Lingerie - Mislead by Phoenix Rising
Jewellery - Memories by DECO
Hair - Cafe in Cinnamon by Analog Dog
Skin - Kate Medium Fuschia by League
Tattoo - Glorybox by Ellie Criss of Sharkey's Tattoos (custom)
Piercing - Custom by :smc:

By the way, my bed is by Lovers Playground. It cost a fuckton of lindens that I'm not really sure it's worth, but their customer service is excellent, and you can change the sheets, and those are both nice things.

chry TART

2010-07-05T06:18:00.001-07:00

I have fallen a little bit in love with iheartsl and its' constantly busy spoonfuls of fashion, so, yesss, it's time for a few more fashion posts. One thing I have noticed is that the same items appear over and over again - I'm not sure if this is because contributors only blog the "latest" thing or the free thing, but I figure the three of you can stand it if I do this my own way.

Slappy Doobie mentioned TART to me just days before I found them at ZombiePopcorn carnival. I have since been to their mainstore and raided like a viking. TART is hot hot hot and I expect you'll be seeing a bit of it if you see a bit of me.

Dress - TART Alexandra (camo) by TART
Boots - Prestige by Bax (yes Marnix, I know)
Jewellery - Enigma by LouLou & Co
Hair - Kelly by Analog Dog
Skin - Kate Medium in Fuschia by League
Eyes - Emerald by Devious Minds
Tattoo - GloryBox by Ellie Criss of Sharkey's Tattoos (Custom)
piercing - custom by :smc:

sim: The Next Day

Factory act: Children of The Sandstorm

2010-06-21T14:50:00.001-07:00

Snapshot_1770
Originally uploaded by knowledgetomorrow

In a not too distant future, man's pillaging of the earth, her forests and oceans, takes a deadly toll on human society

All that remains is an arid landscape ... a dryness that has penetrated the human soul. Humans huddle in caves, seeking the damp that seeps from stone, thirsting for the elemental water they need to survive

Powerful tribes roam the dunes, commandeering any water source they can find, oppressing those who would strike out from the caves and forge new lives

But 'tis human to hope, as it always was, as it always will be ....

Solitary, rogue, adapted for survival, She, too, braves the hard dry dunes

Her life is hard, and dirty. The battles are daily, fierce, interminable. But she will not surrender. She will not squeeze the life from her kind ... and she will not dwell beneath the earth ...

:::: Skin and costume by Tiera Cioc. Kudos to Ludo Sabetha for another great find ::::

Just Married

2010-06-13T02:35:00.001-07:00

Snapshot_1251
Originally uploaded by knowledgetomorrow

Dear Remy -

Yes, it's another letter to you, that everyone else can read.

You married me today. It seems fair to give you your own entry.

People are being very strange. They are acting as though they're surprised, or even shocked. I don't understand why. It was always you, from the moment I met you, with your demanding, cute, noob ways. Demanding is the wrong word, it sounds like a negative thing. Do you know that one of the ways you won me was that way you had of tping me, as soon as you or I logged on? I liked your confidence. I still do.

I like that you've maintained your integrity, and your sense of self, throughout your journey through this second life. I like that you keep a weather eye on reality, and that you remind me where it is. I like that you are always brutally honest, and still charming as hell. I like how you know me so thoroughly that I can never rattle you ... and that I know you so well that I know when I have.

I do adore thee, Remy de las Lanzas. If partnering someone in Second Life is simply, as it seems to me to be, a statement that one's loyalty is publicly aligned to another, then you are it, and you have mine.

much love
Mrs Fretwerk

Beautiful Freaks performance - Crow Garden

2010-06-12T17:25:00.001-07:00

chry-jun12.png
Originally uploaded by dkart

A few weeks ago, as we were preparing to re-open The Beautiful Freaks Burlesque Circus on the Viva La Glam sim, I logged on to receive a landmark from Ludo Sabetha. Ludo has a wonderful eye for beauty in all it's forms. Off I went to alpha.tribe, and of course, my muse awoke.

The costume is actually called "moth", but to me it spoke bird. The act is called "Crow Garden", and is set to "The Garden", by John Foxx. I used a poem from the much-maligned poet laureate, Ted Hughes (he was Sylvia Plath's husband)

A Childish Prank
Man's and woman's bodies lay without souls,

Dully gaping, foolishly staring, inert
On the flowers of Eden.
God pondered.

The problem was so great, it dragged him asleep.

Crow laughed.
He bit the Worm, God's only son,
Into two writhing halves.

He stuffed into man the tail half
With the wounded end hanging out.

He stuffed the head half headfirst into woman
And it crept in deeper and up
To peer out through her eyes
Calling it's tail-half to join up quickly, quickly
Because O it was painful.

Man awoke being dragged across the grass.
Woman awoke to see him coming.
Neither knew what had happened.

God went on sleeping.

Crow went on laughing.

I think the poem has a witty insight into male-female relationships. Without the sex organs, man and woman are soulless and dull. Crow "enlivens" them by creating an unquenchable yearning. It's delicious and dark, and, I think, works well for The Beautiful Freaks

"It's like she's smiling"

2010-06-12T16:47:00.001-07:00

chrymore
Originally uploaded by lingual.markus

I am interested in the way time passes. Things happen fast in my Second Life, and I know from observation it is the same all over.

When you are nursing a broken heart, it feels like it will never end. I have seen this, and I have seen people stunned because they are nursing their own pain while they watch a former partner move on. Part of the hurt seems to be that the other recovered so quickly.

Of course, sometimes a thing is just wrong, and not "meant to be". To my mind, it's still preferable to bring it to a close without deception; it's hard to say to someone "look, it's not you, it's us", but congratulations if you are one of the ones who can. If you're one of the ones who can't be alone, and who have their next lined up before the first even knows they're packing, then shame on you. And yes, I'm advised it's human nature, but shame nonetheless.

That said, I gained a great deal from my dip in the shark pool. Not least of my rewards was a sharp insight into what it is that I am seeking. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun.

But, honey, I'm home. I know you read this, and are probably wincing right now. Thank you for being there when I got back, thank you for being every shade of cool.

And yep, I'm aware that my posts are oblique. I do that to preserve the privacy of others. If you know me, then you know all the gory details, anyway. Cus that's how I roll ;-P

grace

2010-06-05T23:43:00.001-07:00

grace
Originally uploaded by Else Barnard et al.

I had envisioned using the rest of Else Barnard's photos to tell a little more of things from my perspective, using Else's work to provide eye candy.

But this is too beautiful. Thank you Else. All grace is yours xx

leading by example

2010-06-05T14:07:00.001-07:00

leading by example
Originally uploaded by Else Barnard et al.

My friends are awesomely clever, did I mention it? I spent a little time with my favourite pyro, Else Barnard, and this is (I hope) the first of what she did to me.

Else has done other pictures of me, and one thing I love is her use of light. There's an almost otherworldliness to it, or maybe a "vintage" feel. Any time I spend with else feels a little vintage - which is odd, since anyone who knows her arsenal knows she's a thoroughly modern girl ;-D

After all the sighing of the past couple of months, I was looking to recapture a sense of my normal assertiveness. This is the chry who knows what you're up to, and is comfortable she can handle it. For the four of you who read this blog and know me well, I swear, she's making a comeback.

As always, the skin is by Nena Janus of League. The outfit is by Graves (sorry, but any other latex simply is not as good) and the tattoo is a custom work by Ellie Criss of Sharkey's Tattoos (omg <3 Ellie xxx)). The hair is Charlie, from Twisted and Spoiled, and as always, the eyes are from devious minds.

Regrets, I've had a few ...

2010-05-29T04:40:00.000-07:00

I am a creature of impulse, it's unfortunate, but true.

Recently, I have made bad decisions, and they have been decisions which have hurt other people. I let expert flattery go to my head and cause me to be less mindful than I prefer to be. I fell into the shallow pool. See ... my Second Life has been very protected. I am treated with love and respect by both my friends and my fans. Yes, I've heard the stories, who hasn't? But I guess I thought I was so adorable the usual rules did not apply.

But Second Life moves fast, and my karma caught up with me quickly. In other crowds, love and respect are not the usual currency. And flattery is easy. You could say I found the shallow pool filled with sharks (god knows, I have, many times). And (cue violins) now I get to play out that same old story ("all men in SL are sluts or vagrants" etc etc).

I believe karma works like this: If you're a lousy human, as time goes on, you'll find yourself surrounded only by lousy humans, and everything you have done will be done to you, because that's what lousy humans do. I try not to be a lousy human.

I'm out of the pool, and I'll live. I regret being so impulsive and absolutely being so shallow. But there's been a lot of regret so far this year, n'est pas? I promise to do better. Especially by those of you who have always done well by me. And I promise to make happy posts, and maybe more of them. Ehhh ... I promise to try.

chry xx

capax infiniti

2010-04-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I found a myspace account that I didn't know existed. Of course there is a blog attached to the profile, and in it the writer mentions how wonderful life is. How much it has improved since he freed himself of certain poisonous influences.

Of course, it's the blog of someone I used to be very close to. Close enough to know that I (and my virtual world) was not the only poison in his life then. But I certainly was one of them. And yes, it hurts to know that's how I showed up in the debriefing. It hurts even more to not have been invited to the debriefing, but ehhh ... I was ever a symptom, and not the disease.

I wish him well. He shaped my Second Life. He taught me what I could absorb. He showed me what was possible and influences my aesthetic decisions to this day. From him I learned to work for my Second Life, and the satisfaction of self-supporting in game.

If nothing else, I have to thank him for anime, for Corey Taylor and for the beautiful build that is Idle Rogue.

Along with all the other poisons, I have been removed from his system. I guess I'm okay with that.

Consummatum est

Dear You

2010-03-28T03:38:00.000-07:00

Dear You,

You came into my life when I was very broken. And you were a joy. You didn't understand why I was broken, but you understood that I was, and you set about making me smile. I always thought of you as a gift from a dear friend, who may not know what he had given me. As I healed, I came to look forward to seeing you.

We had the best fun.

I want you to know that every minute we spent together was brilliant. Every thought that you expressed found a home here. Everything I ever said to you, and everything I ever said about you, was real, was true, and remains true to this minute.

you move like I want to
to see like your eyes do
we are downstairs where
no one can see
new life break away
tonight I feel like more
tonight I
you make the water warm
you taste foreign
and I know you can see
the cord break away
cause tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel like more
tonight I feel
feel like more(tonight)
you breathed
then you stopped
I breathed then dried you off
and tonight
I feel like more
tonight

The Big Show

2010-03-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

Inspiring, exhausting, intimidating, creative, time-consuming, rewarding.Way more good than bad.

Idle Rogue is producing a show. It is my current obsession, so much so that disappointments in other areas of my life are rendered disinteresting. If you're finding yourself a little ignored, sorry, but I'm busy.

It all started when I discovered the singer for my favourite band was launching solo performances. I immediately booked him and he performed following a performance of The Beautiful Freaks Burlesque Circus. The dancers loved him, I've always loved him, and he loved us right back. It seemed a natural progression that we should work together, but the project took months to warm up, because of commitments on both sides.

Bowie Bravin is a prolific and talented musician. He collaborates electronically with musicians across the globe. He is a buoyant and dynamic personality and a pleasure to work with. His voice is an absolute gift, and lucky me, I spend a portion of each day listening to it.

Bowie and Deep Sky Traveler both give an amazing show experience, with lighting, special effects and warm personalities. Beautiful Freaks likes to hand out an experience, too. So the challenge, for us, has been to make a show that looks astonishing and provides a foil for Bowie's talent, but equally, ours.

Enter Slappy Doobie. Friends will know that Slappy is my not only my best friend, but my collaborator, mentor and yes, idol. I have yet to see her fail at achieving something she set out to do. She is a legendary builder and a gifted graphic artist. She brings a wealth of rl experience to every project, and her imagination is completely unconstrained. To Slappy was given the unenviable task of building s stage that would, as a minimum, equal the work Kentarr Vendetta does for Deep Sky Traveler, and, preferable add in features specific to the show we want to present. Did she succeed?

Does she ever fail?

wtf is this crap?

2010-02-03T12:52:00.000-08:00

Crap Mariner is a robot whose internet "presence" is undeniable. Being a robot, Crap is presumably gender moot, but I have no idea. I love Crap's name, it's been rolling around my head for a few days. I love Crap's blog, which I've only just begun reading and do not yet profess to understand. I am very aware that Crap is highly regarded in certain circles, and Crap's opinions are touted across the length and breadth of the grid.

My morning lately consists of reading blogs and perusing the network sites. This morning I read that Crap Mariner "will only tip performers that are listed in Tunes inSL" and "will only tip venues that display the sign" for the same entity. Immediately, I thought I had better check out this thing called Tunes in SL, because I would hate to miss out on a life-sustaining venue tip simply by not having understood the importance of the Tunes in SL venture.

To be honest, I was expecting something worthily connected, perhaps raising awareness, or funds for some righteous cause. But no. Or not, at least, at it's inception. "I started off Tunes inSL because I had been given a bunch of iTunes gift certificates and wanted to buy music from SL performers with them." Oh, okay. So this is Crap's personal project. Right. Well ... it's a good idea. And it supports live music, which many of us enjoy and which needs support.

In case you didn't know, here's a quick rundown on how live music works in SL. This is the generalised version. We all have friends, god knows, Idle Rogue would not survive without them. And friends make special concessions to friends, that's understood. But if you are a new venue or a new artist in Secnond Life, the procedure goes something like this:

* Artists equip themselves to stream effectively into SL, with such musical instruments, hardware and software as they can afford to provide the best quality performance. They then seek venues to perform at and hopefully deliver performances that encourage a fan base. Common wisdom has it that startout artists will work for tips. Artists with a small fan base will work for 1000-1500L. Artists whose group has more than 100 members can command fees starting from 4000L.

* Venues rent or buy the land and build or buy the premises they will operate from. They undertake to meet the costs of running the venue and can do this by sourcing revenue in any of the usual ways - subletting real estate, retailing content, and tips from avatars to the venue. They also use these funds to pay the artists the fees mentioned above.

* The theory, as I have come to understand it, is that artists with a large following will bring good "traffic" to the venue. That traffic will then spend money in the various ways mentioned above. That money goes to the venue operator and is used to, at least, offset, the costs of paying for the performer.

* The problem, as I see it from a venue owner's perspective, is that staging a live performance actually brings very little return to the venue. Avatars assume that the artists are working for tips only, and naturally give their lindens to the talent. Large or popular gigs are extremely hard going for a lot of fans, and lag prevents them from camming around and purchasing something that might take their fancy. And fans, by their nature, follow the artist. They do not stay on after the gig, have a look around, purchase items or join the group with the intention of returning on a regular basis.

So when Crap Marriner announces that tips for the month of February will only go to those who support Crap's personal venture, I cringe on behalf of Idle Rogue, and on behalf of the artists who so generously share their time with us there.

Because it's not just about me and my little club, though in the past few weeks I have watched several well-known and loved venues fold. It's not even just about all clubs. Because, you see, the only artists who can be on Tunes in SL are "performers with music for sale".

So, for my fledgling artists - who are scrambling to get up to the speed of real world money earners like The Follow; who are in beg/borrow/steal mode to get good equipment in order to compete; and who haven't even begun to consider how or whether to record and distribute their music - the tips of Crap Marriner, and those who follow Crap's advice, will not be a prospect. At least for this month.

The Follow, incidentally, cost a venue 15000L for an hour's access. Please tip your venues. Take my word for it, they are hurting.

EDIT: To his credit, Crap Mariner has taken the time to respond to this post in his own blog, and I urge anyone with further interest in the matter to give him a fair hearing. I appreciate the time he took to consider and respond to my opinion.

.

2010-02-01T00:24:00.000-08:00

it seems that once you've said a thing in blogger, you can't unsay it without deleting it. So .....

Once again I face change in my Second Life.

100124 Burly Factory on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

2010-01-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

I would like, when I remember, to post my acts from E&S Burlesque Factory's Saturday Night Revue. This show is always a spectacular, and a great deal of hard work goes into the performances.

This week I wanted to do something for Australia Day, simply because there is so much celebration of other nation's national days.

The dress is from Violator. It is the ludicrously expensive Eva And The Snake, which was a gift from a friend. It's an amazing creation, I'll grant you, and looked stunning. Based on today's earnings, I will only need to wear it fifteen more times for it to have paid for itself - but since I didn't pay for it, the point is moot. No disrespect to Soraya Vaher intended - I certainly understand her philosophical leanings, and more power to her, she's making real money from her work.

There are a few more pictures from the act at Tilly Theas' flickr page:

100124 Burly Factory on Flickr - Photo Sharing!.

While you are there, check out her stunning photos from the Deep Sky Traveler show at Idle Rogue. What an amazing night!

Tweak Tweak

2010-01-14T03:04:00.000-08:00

I have spent this week making changes to the Idle Rogue Complex.

Before Y left SL, the parcel next to Idle Rogue became available, and it seemed a bad business decision not to take it, not least because, like all landholders, I will always need more prims. I joined the 3000 club with the idea of putting in a retail mall, with affiliate vendors to generate some income and space for group members to rezz their own vendors. The store complex didn't take off, really, partly because of the build (mine) which gave it a shrouded air, and partly because I didn't give it the attention it deserved. Beautiful Freaks was born just one epiphany later, and my emotional energy was going into acts for BF and for Ellie's Burlesque. I am extremely creative when I am miserable ... but not especially good with people.

I have always wanted Idle Rogue to be a "hub" for like-minded souls. The people who associate with Idle Rogue are all generous and spirited people. We like to socialise, we prefer chat to gestures, we love to make new residents feel a little more comfortable. There are so many "people" people around Rogue, it seems a shame that we're not there more often.

Mainstream media who have lately addressed Second Life often point out that it's hard to find anyone. To new arrivals, the grid seems a vast, though pretty, wasteland. I know when I rezzed, my ISP had a well-developed presence inworld, which made it considerably easier to find other avatars and begin the journey. The Pond Estates closed in December last year, and an amazing number of avatars attended her to her death. We are all a little less anchored without her.

For all of these reasons, and a few more, Idle Rogue has undergone a small renovation.

There are photos of the old layout here, and shots of the new Idle Rogue here.

and a quick bitchslapping to ...

2009-12-26T17:46:00.001-08:00

The Beautiful Beast

2009-12-26T17:26:00.000-08:00

Forgive me a moment of utter self indulgence. But it's a journal. Utter self indulgence is the point, c'est non?

He is:
articulate
humorous
generous of spirit
calm
decisive
respectful
sensual
ethical
rational
whimsical
curious
loyal
affectionate
honest
talented
beloved.
In no particular order. I am proud and delighted to have his company.

That is all.

okay, so I'm a little bit hooked on this now O.o

2009-12-15T12:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I find myself at a loose end these days. I dropped some of my commitments in order to have more time to spend with friends and to free myself up for intriguing one-off projects. Which are rarer than you might think.

When I posted the last entry, it was my attempt at showing off my latest purchases. Quaintly's comment got me thinking though. I do wear a lot of black, it's my favourite colour (and yes, Blogger, both those words have the letter "u" in them), but I also have a lot of colourful clothes that I could show. And I really rather like going to my favourite pretty places to take photos. So yeah ... here we go, I'm a fashion blogger /irony.

First, a word about the hair. I have new hair. My honey chose it, and I love it. I have always been fanatically loyal to Analog Dog's cinnamon range, though I have a few from Damselfly. I wear, as much as possible, the same colour, because it's part of my identity. Yes, I named myself after my hair. In case you didn't know.

The new hair - Natural, by *CRISS* - is blonder than I would have liked, it's actually a lot blonder than it looks in the photos. I like to think of it as having had a fabulous style cut and some highlights put in.

The dress is, of course, Musashi-Do's glorious Tender Blossoms. It's rather well-known in fashion circles, and rightly so. It's a beautiful texture with wonderfully rendered details. This dress draws comment every time I wear it.

The shoes are B&G's Melody in Rosa. I have almost all of Lolo Luo's shoes, I believe they are as good a product as Stiletto Moody, easier to use, and at a far more reasonable price. They are transferable, too, and in fact, my only complaint is that the range is small.

I'd like to put a shout out to Eryn Republic for the one item I am never without - my ERD A.V.8.R sunglasses. Scripted with show/hide, radar, flight assist, sim record, bling, opacity, glow and 40 colours, they are hud driven and my essential item. When Y first taught me to build microprims, he showed me the ERD range in order to articulate what tiny prims could be used for, and I have not been without them since. We all have cartoon dreams, but if I have a cartoon nightmare, it is that proposed script limits will part me from my A.V.8.rs.

The sim you see here is the extremely romantic Midsomer Gardens. This a gorgeous, if busy, sim, good for a date or a photoshoot, and the highlight is definitely the sky garden seen here. I met a most interesting avatar while I was there, he was on the prowl, of course, but provided some amusement while I posed my narcissistic ass off.

Obligatory Fashion Post

2009-12-02T01:44:00.000-08:00

Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?

Actually, fashion blogging is a high-end pursuit in SL, and I am not intending to join those ranks. I'm aware, however, that reading my angst is a labour of love, so it can't hurt to break up the flow occasionally. And, you know, I buy so many clothes, sometimes I never see them again. If ever I wonder what that little ensemble I liked so much was, I can look back over my blog and recall it. All good reasons, I thought ...

The Basics:
I wear the same skin, eyes, tattoo and hair colour most of the time.

Skin: Kate - Forest by League

Eyes: Devious Emerald by Devious Minds
Hair: pictures 1 and 2 - Play by Analog Dog
picture 3 - Syanne by Analog Dog
Tattoo: Floral by Bi-Sensual
Piercing: Jade Lip Ring by :smc:

Outfit - Picture 1:
Leather Jacket by Grasp
Idle Rogue tank top by Sexy RedDevil for Idle Rogue
Leather Pants by Grasp
Biker Boots by Redgrave
Dagger by Avid

Outfit - Picture 2:
Frau Black Dress by Hyper Culture
Lilly Black Satin Lingerie by Insolence
Laddered Stockings by League
Pornstar Boots by Urban Bomb Unit
Rock Rolla necklace by Naith Smit Designs

Outfit - Picture 3:
Abby Dawn Black Sweater by Capris Designs
Camouflage Pants by Lilli Cattaneo *freebie
Sinaed Black Boots by League

Yes, there is an element of Tramp in this week's purchases, though let's call it rock'n'roll, shall we? Of course, I was a pierced and tattooed tramp before the Bass Player arrived in my life, now I just have a really good excuse to spend for it!

musings in the key of "real"

2009-12-01T02:21:00.000-08:00

I'm only one. So I cannot be expected to have a good grasp on the intricacies of SLove, right? Right. Phew, thanks. Cus I really find it annoying that I lack the smooth criminal instincts of other avis I meet. If only because they make me feel naive, those jaded libertines.

All of my relationships in Second Life are based on a genuine respect for the person behind the avi. I am one of those people you are drawn to tell your inner secrets to, I don't know why, but perhaps it is because I am unendingly curious about how people come to make the decisions they make. Whatever the reason, if we are more than casual acquaintances, there is a good chance you've shared some personal honesty with me at some time, and I've liked you for it.

That doesn't, however, necessarily mean my people and I talk incessantly about our realities, and, in fact, I'd say, the opposite is true. We talk almost exclusively about our Second Lives, and the events that occur within them. We live, as ourselves, in our second lives. "How was your day?" means "How was your second life today?". "What have you been doing?" means "What have you been doing on the grid?".

My question, then, is this: Does this mean we are "playing the game"? It doesn't feel "fake" or even "superficial" - my deep sense of loss over The Boy Who Left showed me that ... as did the support and love of my friends during that time. If my friends suffer a disappointment, in either of their lives, I will be there, either on my real phone or holding the virtual tissues, while they resolve it. They will decide which kind of support they need, and they will have it.

My new love interest is the realest person I know in SL. By which I mean, he still reacts with noobish goodwill and humour to the way the rest of us interact. Yes, his eyes widen at the way we "live" in our lives ... but he "gets it". He is a natural, as I was, as most people reading this were, and because he is new, he is untainted by the casual laissez-faire demeanour of the "what happens in second life stays in second life" crowd.

But this means he is never quite sure of my intentions, or of my regard for him. I have no intention of moving into his real life, and I want to be sure he knows that. Yet this does not, in any way, affect the depth of feeling I have for him. It is moot that we are new, he is new, and if this were a "real" relationship, we would not be saying we were in love. Or ought not. I am not "in love" with him ... but there is no-one with whom I would rather spend an hour, a day, or a weekend. I would be unhappy if he thought that only extended to his cartoon entity.

Proximity

2009-11-25T14:55:00.000-08:00

Am I the only avi who has been startled by the physical needs of my avi? No, I'm not talking about pr0n (that's a whole different post and one I am hardly qualified to attend to). I'm talking about how much I want my avi to be able to reach out and spontaneously touch another ... and in the absence of that ability, how she will stand as close as possible to a favoured avi, almost of her own volition. It makes me smile when she does that.

I used to play chess with Y, in the early days. I am very bad at chess, I am a for-the-now-kinda gal and lack the ability to strategise. So when we played, I would keep my cam centered over the board, watching the chat and the game and not one bit that cute boi I was crushing so badly on. Is it not fascinating that my adoration for the boy came from his words, which I watched for breathlessly ... but that watching his SL projection of himself was too distracting? At the end of the game, I would look up to find him standing right beside me, within breathing range, and the "rush" would invariably startle me.

Friends we knew who were falling for each other were doing the same thing, every time I saw them they were right up next to each other. I find it interesting that even in a cartoon environment, we all maintain an appropriate personal space. In a normal group setting, you will notice that avis often keep a similar distance apart, and when you see two avis up close and personal (unless one of them is a noob) you can be sure there's "something going on".

After Y and I let down our guards a little, and the World Cheeseball Tour was completed, there was, of course, dancing. I had avoided dancing for the same reason. To me, the proximity of those lovely Bits & Bobs dances offered up something I responded to... so dancing with anyone but Y seemed to be offering more than I intended. Number three and number seven were "our" dances, and I have still never danced them with anyone else.

Since those first heady days, of course, my work at Ellie's has loosened my reserve about dancing with avis other than my significant other. Not that dancing with patrons is a requirement of the job, but I am often so hyped when I come offstage that I need something for my avi to do, and couples dances do help with that. Again, it startles me how many physical yearnings chry has. Sometimes she just wants to turn cartwheels, or jump on the couch. Or reach out and stroke the cheek of someone she has come to care for ....

Introducing Remy*

2009-11-17T18:32:00.000-08:00

And so, it seems, I am dating someone. There was a long long period of grieving, during which I sensed some hovering at my peripheries, which I ignored, of course, because I was never going there again. And .. maybe ... a little ... because I was waiting for The Boy Who Left to come back.

There was a lot of hanging around in my sky palace, only coming out to work and concentrating on building. But the ultimate purpose of Second Life is interaction, and I had friends tapping on my windows and knocking on my doors to get me to come out.

As established, I have always made my Second Life busy, to avoid the notion that I was waiting for someone who wasn't coming back. I saved landmarks, thinking that one day we would go explore them together. Whole sims have disappeared in that time, places I never got to see. During that time, a friend left a noob in my care. Perfect traveling companion, wide-eyed with wonder, and that was me, too, since I'd neglected to actually go anywhere for so long.

Remember that minute ... the one where you realise those words "[insert favoured avi's name here] is online" are the sight that gladdens your Second Life? Well, I had one of those, and it threw me for a while. What about The Boy Who Left? What about Never Going There Again? Am I that fickle? I have issues with the Toy Husband crowd, was I about to become one?

And if that weren't enough, the other contenders must have sensed something in the air, because I was suddenly sorted for suitors >.<. The next phase was an ugly one, involving missteps, lack of confidence in my own judgement, and a last small cry from the heart to The Boy Who Left ... which, it turns out, was me flailing my cartoon hand one last half-hearted time, because once I'd sent it I suddenly felt free to choose a new direction.

Some avis got hurt during the writing of this column, and the fallout continues. For that I am immensely sorry, though I'm told my apologies are superfluous. I do not, it seems, always come out smelling like a rose.

But I have gained a treasured companion, and a vast sense of joy, even wonder at the possibilities our little grid offers those who approach with a sense of adventure. I am happy, and I'm rather in favour of happy.

*Names have been withheld out of respect for avis who do not blog and do not necessarily know they're being blogged about.

Miss Busy

2009-10-29T02:45:00.000-07:00

When you love outside your own timezone, there will be casualties.

I always felt we existed in a kind of twilight, since my early mornings were his evenings, and vice versa, though once the torrent of words began, whole days and nights could and did disappear. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't bear to tear myself away. After a while, though, one of us had to, and so he did.

I rented Idle Rogue within a month of rezzing. It was to be a space to build, so it didn't matter that it was a mountainside block. I covered it with trees and a pagoda, put in a chess table and sine wave's kung fu balls (better than sex - though frankly I have nothing on which to base that comparison).

As he withdrew from Second Life, he added me more and more to his real life, always with the understanding that he would be back. And from time to time, often, really, he did come back. And when he wasn't there, I waited for him. I don't wait easily, so I got busy.

First it was a Christmas Party. My first actual building ~lol~ a platform that looked like an iced pond, but it was fun. There was lots of fun there. After the christmas party was over, I came up with the idea of an all day music festival, and that grew out of hand to include a designer market. Idle Rogue Live was successful, so we thought we may as well address the shortcomings of the venue. A sleepless weekend later, Idle Rogue stood as it now stands. I have much love for that building. It will stand for some time yet.

By then, of course, I was learning the hard lesson that all aspiring live venues must learn: live acts are expensive, and operators get very little return on the fee they pay to have an act appear. Avis rarely tip the venue, and they disappear as soon as the act is over. It was always our aim to be self-supporting inworld ... but I lack the skills to be a successful content creator.

I had an idea to put together a "show", something different to, or more than, a live act. I wanted to run a blues night, and couple a performance from Arman Finesmith to, I hoped, a performance by a traveling burlesque troupe. And it was on my hunt for this traveling burlesque troupe that I walked into Ellie's Burlesque Club on Jupyter. I walked out with a job, and a burlesque diva was born.

rezzday musing (cross-posted from LiveJournal)

2009-10-28T23:15:00.000-07:00

It is my rezzday tomorrow. I joined Second Life on October 4th, one year ago, thinking it might be a cool way to chat. I always loved chat, but had been offline for several years. When I came back, none of the old crew seemed to be chatting any more. And then I remembered I'd heard about a thing called Second Life.

I really had no idea, I must say. I look at the people I know now, my new crew, and they all had some idea of what it was, and what it involved. I didn't think about things like content creation, I'd never heard the term. I wasn't a gamer, I was a chatter. I rezzed, rushed through Orientation, and set about changing the way I looked. Within days I was scooping up freebies and had found the "rebel enclave" on my home sim. That was where I could get a chat, certainly not at the mainstream events, where a tired old clique were running tired old events and getting their lols out of taking potshots at noobs. I look at how I looked then and I gotta laugh, but hey, I was trying. I'll tell you something else, through all that's happened since, I stil lurve noobs, and I still spend hours with them getting them to where they want to be.

I still went to the mainstream events, even though they were unrewarding. And on my fourth day there, Y approached me and offered me a better lip piercing (and thank God, cus you should have seen the bullring I was wearing). I don't remember what he was wearing (though I assume, now, it was the preppy set from Redgrave), I just remember his way of chatting. Articulate, concise, overly-courteous. Here, at last, was someone who could wield words!

Y was a month older than me, but had been "at" the game solidly. And he was a natural creator, with a creator's curiosity. Everything he'd learned to that point he told or taught to me. Everything he learned beyond that point, we learned together. For the first few days, we worked on the lip piercing, he, in his infinite way, tweaking and refining it, me wearing and re-wearing it, learning how to move prims and edit my appearance. When finally the piercing was right, what had been casual conversation and instruction became a true dialogue. And I was smitten. Oh ... so smitten.

It is a year later, and Y is mine no more. But what a year it was. All I've learned, all I gained, all I lost. All entwined with him, and with my utter adoration of him. All on the marvellous eye-popping grid, in every way, so much more than I had prepared myself for.

2009-10-28T23:01:00.000-07:00

To my chagrin, I have attempted this once before, over at LiveJournal. Here, for the purpose of elucidation is my first post from there:

"And here I am. Twice. Once in each of my lives. It's occurred to me that some of the things I get up to in my Second Life are not that interesting to people in my real life ... and vice versa. Not to mention I've some angsty Second Life stuff I really need to get out of my system, and the people on my contact list have run out of patience listening to it. In my real life, I have found journalling my thoughts and experiences to be cathartic. So I'm thinking the same approach might work for poor poor chry, who always has such a lot on her cartoon mind."

From which you may deduce my RL has a blog, too, somewhere on LiveJournal. Don't go, it's 600+ posts of dull dull dull, and gets updated less than Plurk. On the other hand, chry really wants to vent some things, so I'll try to be a good blogger. Of course, I'm a noob here, so don't be expecting all that fancy-schmancy slurling and linking. Yet.

I'm here because friends blog here, and it's easier if I try to keep up from one space. Important things to know: I love my second life, often at the risk of my first; I am big on words; and I have a chronically lazy little finger on my right hand. It annoys me much more than it will ever annoy you.

Next post will be my rezzday musing from the beginning of October, posting of which will allow me to kill off the livejournal account. I'm moving in, blogger, fix the damned elevator.